God Doesn’t Make Mistakes 

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“God doesn’t make mistakes!” is the intentionally judgmental and deliberately hateful way certain cis folks have of refuting the related personal experiences of trans folk. They have tied themselves to the “trapped in the wrong body” trans narrative which for the most part does not hold up. Some trans folk I know identify with it but most do not. I always just felt I had the wrong genitalia and that those organs were infecting my body with a flood of the wrong hormone. But my body? I like most of it and it is definitely right, definitely mine and not a mistake.

I personally hold no specific doctrine above or below any other. I would not call myself faithful to any belief excepting my faith in the basic goodness of all human beings. I was baptized Methodist and was confirmed in the PCUSA however I don’t personally believe in God but I don’t deny the possibility either. It seems an unknowable to me so the agnostic label fits me. Some folks seem to have decided that not only is God real but their relationship with this God is so intimate they know this ineffable uber being’s mind whilst still insisting on God’s omnipotent and mysterious way of being. If one knows the mind of God in full one must be omnipotent and must therefore be a god. That goes contrary to what most theists put forth. They are but humble servants, lambs kneeling before the shepherd the one true God. So how can I take them seriously when they make statements contrary to their own faith? Well, I have seen the true value of organized faith groups, the community and beauty they can bring to our scattershot world. I have had some truly humbling moments seated in the pew of some church communing with the other souls around me as we think of our oneness together. Human kind forgets to seek the knowledge that we know nothing and instead begins to insist on concrete definitions far too often. Thus I will always be wary of doctrine or anything that claims to be “the word of God”. When cis folk insist that trans folk are calling the deity capable of mistakes they feel attacked. Their faith has given them much needed guidance through this world of chance and change that we inhabit together. I empathize wholeheartedly. The real trouble is that they never stop to consider that perhaps God might want to do things that they can’t comprehend or look up in a book. There is always more knowledge and new discoveries to be made. That is the human adventure. Perhaps there is a lesson that I needed to learn, maybe God has gifted me with a female brain in a male body as part of that lesson. It certainly feels like a gift!

They often go on to argue that we should not change what has been given us. That it is our burden to live in pain for whatever reason. This rule only seems to apply to trans folk though. Only certain religious groups actually avoid medical intervention or assistance for physical disabilities and difficulties, relying solely on the power of faith and prayer. For me my most sincere way of raising up and connecting with the divine is by loving life, the world and all my fellow beings. If I should not be allowed hormone therapy or surgery to change my body to be more like the one my mind expects, to free me from the second to second pain I lived in for decades then why should other folks be allowed treatment for their maladies? If I can’t have my estrogen then I insist that we all throw off our clothing, shoes, glasses, jewelry, makeup, wigs, hats, medications, prosthetics, mobility devices and surgical interventions. It is time to live in the way God intended, the way we were brought into this world. Sounds stupid right? Well yes, yes it does. No one wants to see a Catholic Pope without his vestments, long shaggy hair down to the ground, diseased and in pain trying to share the divine with us. No, that would make us beasts of the field. We were given dominion over them right? To do with as we will? To change them to suit us? Change is the only constant in life, it is the power, the burden and the glory. If a god has blessed human beings with anything it is minds to change our world with. Many faiths talk about life as mere preparation of the soul for an eternal afterlife, the body is a mere husk. A mutable ever changing form of multitudinous variety. My body needed to change in specific ways to prepare my soul for the next leg of my journey. If I am a sinner (and I do not believe in sin only morality) then why do we not let God judge me on the hour of my death? Stop throwing stones, abide your own moral system, do not use it as a cudgel against your neighbors.

All trans folk are asking for is the same compassion and respect any individual deserves. Isn’t that the central tenet of most of the major faiths in this world? “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” and “Love thy neighbor as thy self.” Those are words I try every day to live by because we are not in this world alone. If a cis person can explain in detail just how seeing a wider spectrum of the light that God has shone on humanity will impact their lives negatively, I will listen. And I will do what I can to ease their pain. But I must be who I am and I must honor this life, body and mind I was gifted. No one but me can know my mind or my relationship to the divine. I transitioned to become a more honest person, to celebrate the gifts I have been given as well as to end my suffering. I was born with a female brain and the reproductive organs of a man. I was also born into a time in humanity when this incongruity can be repaired. I have learned things, as all trans folk have, that the cis world couldn’t know without us. It is time to listen and stop shouting us down. I know you don’t understand, let us explain and let us exist free from biased assumptions and you might. We all exhibit more gender variances than most cis folk may be aware of. There are feminine cis men and masculine cis women and every combination from there on out, gender freedom is for us all.

One last time I will insist that being trans is no mistake, just like all good people, trans folk are just folk who have been gifted with unique circumstances. None of us are the same but we are all one. We just need to calm down, breathe deeply and actually listen to each other.

God Doesn’t Make Mistakes 

Coming Out Day

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Hello friends! Today marks my first National Coming Out Day, I have been living my life openly as a trans woman for just around eight months. It was almost exactly eight months ago to the day that I reached self acceptance. My journal says that moment took from February 11-14.

That was a massive week for me. Finally accepting that I could not hide who I am any longer and beginning to work towards being able to like myself. A few weeks later I slowly told the folks around me my deepest truth and my life of the lie evaporated at last. I was free…

What have I gained? The world friends, I have gained the world. I can enjoy my existence again. I can love those around me unconditionally and without envy or personal discomfort. I can love myself. I can look in a mirror and instantly recognize the woman grinning like a twit as being me. I know, trust and inhabit my own body and mind in full now! I have gained the simple pleasures of knowing who I am and being happy in that.

If I have learned anything in these months of transition it is do not run from your fears. Do not hold your feelings in check, suppressed to the point that you have forgotten they were there. Face your fears, whatever they may be. If you don’t it may well kill you but it will certainly detract from your days. We have so few days, don’t we deserve to live them in full? My every moment was once a haunted mess. Now those moments are savored. Every human being deserves that.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness right?

The more folks that share with the world how they are not part of the assumed hetero-cis-normative standard the more actual lives will be saved and the richer the human experience will become. If you are LGBTQ, it is okay honey! You can be yourself. People will love you and you can have a life worth living. It is going to be good, trust me, trust yourself. If you are hetero and or cis then please think about the things you say, the narratives you embrace, the culture and standards you uphold. Make space in the world for those of us who haven’t had the good fortune to be born into a world designed for us. Once that space becomes commonplace it won’t be so potentially painful or dangerous to be LGBTQ, it will be so humdrum. The onus is on us all to change ourselves, our assumptions and our society to fit all good people. To judge them “…by the content of their character.” as one civil rights leader once hoped.
This is my first National Coming Out Day as a trans woman, but it will not be my last. Thank you again to everyone who has welcomed me. You have helped make this year what I had always hoped it could be.

And one more thing…TRANS PRIDE!!

Coming Out Day